Phase 1: The Internal Shift (Preparation)

Before you speak, manage your physiology. If you approach a conversation with dread, you trigger a "threat response.".

1. The Skill: Reframe arousal. Tell yourself: "I am excited to solve this problem."
2. The Result: Shifts brain from "Threat Mode" to "Opportunity Mode."

Phase 2: The Soft Entry (The Setup)

The first 3 minutes determine the outcome. Don't launch immediately into complaints.

1. Connect First: Ask a follow-up question about their day.
2. Script: "Hey, how is your morning going? Do you have bandwidth for a quick chat? When is a good time for you?"

Phase 3: The Three Pillars of Clarity (Facts, Ownership & Specificity)

1. Stick to Facts: "I see we are $200 over budget" (Fact) vs "You are irresponsible" (Judgment).

2. Own Emotions: "You make me..." (Blame) vs "I feel anxious when..." (Ownership) .

3. Be Specific: "Be cleaner" (Vague) vs "Would you be willing to do the dishes on Tuesday nights?" (Specific).

Phase 4: The Script (The Statement)

Fact: "I haven't had a pay review in 12 months."
Feeling: "I feel eager to grow here."
Need: "I need to know my financial path."
Specific Request: "Can we schedule 30 mins to review my compensation?"

Phase 5: The Safety Net (Maintenance)

If they get defensive, stop. Use a Contrast Statement to make it safe.

"I don't mean to imply you are unfair. I do mean that I want to ensure we are aligned."